It's All My Fault

If someone runs out of clean socks, it’s all my fault.

If the car breaks down, it’s all my fault.

If the scissors are missing, it’s all my fault.

If the litter box stinks up the whole bathroom, it’s all my fault.

If there’s no room in the refrigerator, it’s all my fault.

If the cable goes out, it’s all my fault.

If we run out of soda, it’s all my fault.

If the boys are late for school, it's all my fault.

If there's a long wait at a restaurant, it's all my fault.

If the dining room table is covered in clutter, it’s all my fault.

If Lucas can’t find his drumsticks, it’s all my fault.

If someone forgets their homework, it’s all my fault.

If there’s nothing good on TV, it’s all my fault.

If Jango screams all night, it’s all my fault.

If Kyle stays out late and misses dinner, it’s all my fault.

If Quinton forgets to take his medication, it's all my fault.

If Quinton runs out of his medication, it's all my fault.

If the pharmacy is closed, it's all my fault.

If there are no clean salad forks, it's all my fault.

If the electric bill is too high, it's all my fault.

If there are weeds in the front yard, it's all my fault.

If someone is bored, it's all my fault.

If the lunch box gets left at school, it's all my fault.

If there's nothing good to eat, it's all my fault.

If the printer runs out of ink, it's all my fault.

If the A/C filters don't get changed, it's all my fault.

If the doorbell doesn't get answered, it's all my fault.

The preceding message was written in complete sarcasm. I know in my head that every wrong in life is not my fault. I just wish someone would tell that to my family.

Wasting Time on MySpace

I spent much of today nosing around my MySpace page. I've taught myself how to add photos, I experimented with background wallpaper, and I changed, unchanged, and rechanged the music. I'm sure I'll be doing that quite frequently since I can't decide on a favorite song to save my life.

I'll also be posting my blog in MySpace as well. No, I'm not moving it there. I'll be sticking with Blogger, but MySpace gives me more choices than Blogger does. For one thing, Blogger only gives you like 20 choices of background templates. At MySpace, I can paint the walls any color I want.

Anyway, stop by and check it out....

Thursday 13

1. I really need to lay off the cookies and ice cream. Lately, I've noticed that my regular jeans have become my skinny jeans. And my fat jeans have become my regular jeans. I'm so depressed I could eat a box of Oreos!

2. I'm looking for a clever tip, cleaning product, or method to keep my stainless steel refrigerator doors from looking streaky.

3. Quinton and I love going out for lunch. We either meet somewhere near his office or I pick him up. Most of our restaurant choices fall in to the following categories: sandwiches, smoothies, or sit-down.

4. We especially love eating at big people restaurants, were the conversation is intellectually stimulating, and not interrupted by boys whining at and kicking each other across the table.

5. I am convinced that cling-free sheets mulitply in the dryer. I put ONE sheet in per load, but it seems like three or more come out. These things are everywhere! They're on the floor...in the laundry basket... I pull them out of t-shirts, pillowcases, and I'm forever yanking them out from under the fitted bedsheets while I try to sleep at night.

6. I treated myself to a new Swiffer Sweep n Vac. I own three vaccuum cleaners, and this thing beats them all on the tile. It's the only thing I've found that gets all the dust and crumbs from the edges of walls and base cabinets. It also sucks up cereal and cat food with ease. I just wish it had a longer battery life.

7. Last weekend, Lucas and I went to the antique mall. This is not the place to be shopping for bargain Fiesta. One seller had a juniper (retired color) teapot priced at $39 and a shamrock teapot (current color) priced at $59. No thanks to both.

8. Also at the antique mall, Lucas spotted a record album with Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibb on the cover. He thought Barry Gibb was Jesus.

9. On Sunday, Kyle and I went shopping for new tennis shoes. We also bonded over lunch at In-N-Out Burger.

10. I was so glad to learn that Designing Women is coming back to TV. This time, it will be on Nick at Nite at midnight--long after my bedtime. It's not a pretty win, but I'll take it.

11. I'm always on the look-out for new pizza restaurants to try.

12. I'm ready for baseball season to be over already.

13. I'm also ready for the fall semester to be over. This architectural history class makes my brain hurt. But it's still not as hard as when we studied Immanuel Kant in philosophy class last year. Big OUCH! Somebody toss me the Excedrin...

A New Use for the Fiesta Sugar Bowl

I filled this Fiesta sugar bowl with kitty treats and set it on the end table in the living room. It's a lot more attractive than the plastic zipper seal bag, and Jango perks up when she hears me jingle the lid against the bowl.

A little chuckle for the day.....

I prefer to steer away from politics, instead using my blog to write about my boys, my husband, my cat, and other facets of my fluffy life. But this was too good to not share:


I know this was a Photo Shop creation, but it's still funny.

Super Lime!

The boys found and picked these giant-sized limes off our tree. Here's one sitting in my hand.

Here's two of them pictured with a normal-sized lime. These photos don't do these limes justice. These things are bigger than grapefruits!

If you want to see a jumbo sized mushroom, check out Mark G.'s blog. Calling all hippies....

Tonight's The Night!!!!!

If you call me, I won't answer the phone. If you ring my doorbell, you run the risk of getting cussed at, and having the door slammed in your face. At worst, I might even sic Lucas on you. That boy loves to fight. And he usually wins.

That's because tonight is the season premier of Desperate Housewives. So, in honor of this momentous non-event, enjoy this clip: "Desperate Classic Housewives". It's really funny!!!!!

Ms. Val's Bargain of the Week

We're not coffee drinkers around here, but we are pancake and waffle eaters. And we have found that creamers make great syrup pourers.

I got my firsts piece of Harlequin Fiesta this week! It's the turquoise creamer to the right of the rose Royalty vase. I got this on ebay for 99 cents.

Runner up: I picked up one of Q's prescriptions. The copay was $1.24.

I Did It! I Finally Did It!!!!!!

After more than five months of blogging, I finally taught myself how to add links and favorites to the sidebar! Yes, it took some doing, but the Links section no longer reads "Google News, Edit-me, Edit-me". I replaced those last two with Medium Green and my newly constructed MySpace Page, which I'm still figuring out how to use.

On top all that, I added a new section called "Daily Reading" that includes all my favorite blogs.

I'm quite proud of myself. It would have been very easy to ask Mr. Information Technology himself to do it for me, but Q can't be solving my computer problems forever. Besides, after completing that architectural history notebook project--and doing a VERY good job, I might add--I feel like I can handle anything.

Lucas' Portrait

Having had such a great time creating my self portrait on MS Paint, I decided to do one of Lucas. Eventually, I'd like to do portraits of Quinton and Kyle and perhaps a group portrait.

Thursday 13

1. Monday and Wednesday nights have become quickie dinner nights at our house. I have classes on those evenings so our dinners usually consist of spaghetti with jar sauce, tuna casserole, hot dogs, or we order a pizza.

2. I've been working my @$$ off on a project for architectural history class. That's why most of this week's blog entries have been of the short, canned variety. The first part of the project is due today and I can't wait to have this off my back. In the back of my mind, I think I'm made this assignment harder for myself than it really is.

3. I'll be able to spend the weekend cleaning! Woo hoo!

4. I'd rather be cleaning the house than looking for examples of Sumerian interiors.

5. And I'd rather be having oral surgery than cleaning the house.

6. Speaking of cleaning, I can eventually come to terms with the messes around here. I can live with clothes on the floor as long as they at least land in the vicinity of the hamper. I can live with school papers on every surface because school papers are a fact of life. I just can't live with litter! I can not live with empty pop cans on the floor. I will not accept chewed-up popsicle sticks left on the table. Trash cans, people! TRASH CANS!!!! Learn to use them. Thanks to the dollar store, they are all over this house. Every single solitary room in this house has a trash can in it. Some rooms even have two!!!!!

7. In the meantime, I will not be buying soda or popsicles.

8. I'm really looking forward to Q's and my anniversary trip to Palm Springs. We'll only be gone for the weekend, but I can't wait to get out of town.

9. I'm also looking forward to a week without any kind of car trouble. I don't even want to deal with a burnt out tail light bulb.

10. I can only sleep under certain strict conditions: The thermostat must be set at 76 or 77 degrees. No more, no less--I can feel the difference. The slats on the blinds must be facing down so no outside light shines in. The bedroom door has to be open. The ceiling fan must be spinning counterclockwise on the medium setting. The pajamas must be cotton. And the sheets have to be 500 thread count or greater. My fussiness drives Q crazy, but I think he enjoys the results.

11. Q took me out to lunch at Tokyo Lobby on Tuesday. The boys would be pissed if they found out we went there without them.

12. The weather is starting to cool off in the Phoenix area. Kyle has started riding his bike to school and Q accompanied me to the new hiking trail on Monday. We turned around and went back the minute he started feeling tired.

13. On Tuesday morning, "Desert Moon" by Dennis Deyoung popped up on my iPod. I had goose bumps the whole way to school.

One Hundred

Today marks the 100th post of "The Boys I Love". To mark the occasion, here's a picture of my three favorite subjects.

Shamrock Shamrock

Awhile back, I got into making mosaic stepping stones. Unfortunately, Q got sick, the weather got hot, and life in general got in the way, so I haven't made any new stones in awhile. Pictured below is my favorite. It's made out of a Fiesta pitcher that was delivered broken. I call it my Shamrock Shamrock.

The weather is starting to cool off and I would like to start making stones again. Just as soon as I don't have this architecture history class hanging over my head.

He Does All His Own Stunts

And he does his own photo editing! I left Lucas alone with MS Paint and he managed to eliminate the red eyes, dull the glare from the camera flash, and clean the crumbs off the floor under the cabinet. In real life, the crumbs are still there.

Ms. Val's Bargain of the Week

Awhile back, I picked up a few Homer Laughlin jumbo bowls and mugs at Dillards. I didn't need them but I thought they would be nice for those winter days when I make chili. So I bought four.

Well, I could hardly keep them clean! We were using them for soups, chili, mac and cheese, hot chocolate, and ice cream. The deep compact design (and the handle on the mugs) make these bowls easy to hold in one hand.

This weeks bargain is a jumbo bowl in the retired Fiesta color of Juniper. I picked this up on eBay for $2.95.

Runner up: Gas is down to $2.43! Woo Hoo! :-)~

Self Portrait

Inspired by my good friend, Ces, I decided to try my hand at creating artwork with Microsoft Paint. Here, I did a self-portrait. I think I did a pretty good job for my first time out. Lucas--our resident MS Paint pro--gave me pointers on how to draw the eyes. I really love the way my hair turned out.

Quinton Update

By popular request, here is a current picture of Quinton. He looks so nice and thin! He's about 40 pounds lighter than he was at this time last year. His skin is much clear too.

As of this week, Q has been out of the hospital for a solid 4 months. Recently, he had been having bouts of little to no energy. He describes it as his body shutting down, but his mind was running a mile a minute--a strange feeling, indeed.

These feelings were most pronounced shortly after he took his medication. I suggested that he test his blood pressure. It was very low, so I urged him to go see his doctor.

Q saw his primary care doctor on Tuesday morning. He agreed that he indeed need to have the dosages on his BP meds lowered. He even quit taking one of them altogether. Unfortunately, it wasn't the expensive one. Q also made another appointment to see the doctor again in a month.

It's only been a few days since the he's been on the adjusted medication, so it's a little soon to see any major changes in his energy level. But he has been able to spend more time off the couch.

Thursday 13

1. I hate to cook. I really truly hate it. I think it's because I hate the mess it makes, which I will have to clean up whether I do the cooking or not. So Q does the cooking (he enjoys it) and I do the clean-up afterwards.

2. Q and I have had as much tire trouble as we can handle. A few weeks ago, our Dodge sprung a flat tire on the freeway. The same thing happened back in July. Then on Monday morning, Q discovered another flat just as he was leaving for work. On the bright side, I got my wish: for car trouble to happen at home!

3. I am afraid of dogs. I am OK with them if I know their owners, but if I see a stray running through the neighborhood, I will run into the house, lock the door and HIDE until it's gone.

4. My boys go crazy when I buy a new cereal. This time, it was that new Fruity Cheerios. These things look like miniature Fruit Loops. The boys discovered the box when they got home from school and dang near devoured it.

5. I spent yesterday at home. So, having heard Christopher talk about it so much, I decided to check out Project Runway. In the first five minutes of watching, I got so sick of looking at Laura's wide, bony clevage. Honey, if you don't got it, don't even try to flaunt it!

6. I have a hopeless crush on Jayme King, the weekend meteorologist on our local Fox station.

7. I love it when Jango jumps up on my chair and wedges her considerable girth in between me and the arm rest.

8. I just loaded a bunch of new songs on my iPod. Listening to my "Recently Added" list the other morning, I heard Thelonius Monk, KISS, Waylon Jennings, Prince, and Kenny Rogers. This is the type of music diversity that I'm all about.

9. I've been to Europe, but I have never traveled east of the Mississippi.

10. I am SO glad David won HGTV's Design Star. Ooh, he is gorgeous! I will happily watch any show they have him host...especially if he takes his shirt off and demolishes a kitchen. Counting down to Spring 2007....

11. The carpet in our house is so nasty and dirty that I'm ready to give up clothes shopping for a year in order to get wood floors installed (Quinton, are you paying attention???). Our stairwell carpet is more offensive than any nasty, padless, trampled-down, puke yellow ghetto apartment carpet I've ever seen.

12. One of my favorite snacks is uncooked Minute Rice--much to the dismay of my dentist.

13. The new season of Survivor starts tonight, and I, for one can't wait. I think this occasion calls for starwberry daiquiris! Or better yet, I'll just bring the whole rum bottle and make a drinking game out of it. One shot for every wannabe starlet with a boob job! Nah...I'll be passed out before the first commercial. Daiquiris it is!

The Pizza MAN!!!!!!

For last night's dinner, Q made the best homemade pizza EVER! He used a recipe for a Neopolitan-style thin crust dough. At my request, he rolled the dough in a dusting of cornmeal. Incidentally, this is one of the few thin-crust pizzas I've had that didn't collapse under the weight of the toppings. You could pick up a slice and it would stay straight.

The boys made their own pizza, which included pepperoni and yellow peppers for Kyle, and black olives and pepperoni for Lucas. Our pizza included all the above, plus mushrooms.

I'm thinking we should fix a few more of these pizzas and stick them in the freezer for those nights when we don't feel like cooking.

I'm the only one...

Around here, I’m the only one who remembers to put the sauce boat back on the drip plate.

I’m the only one who replaces the empty toilet paper rolls.

I’m the only one who remembers to bring a towel out to the pool.

I’m the only one who loads the dishwasher correctly AND turns it on!

I’m the only one who separates the lights from darks.

Sometimes, I’m the only one who wears a shirt to the dinner table.

I’m the only one who refills the water bottle drawer in the refrigerator.

I’m the only one around here who carries a purse. But I’m NOT the only who puts stuff in it!

I’m the only who cleans up the cat barf.

I'm the only one who cares that the sheets and pillowcases match.

I’m the only one who remembers when its trash day.

Many nights, I’m the only one who goes around the house and makes sure the doors are locked.

I’m the only who talks to myself.

I’m the only one who reads mail order catalogs.

I'm the only one who knows where everyone's lost shoes/homework/keys are.

I'm the only one who remembers to get the oil changed.

I'm the only one who uses the garbage disposal.

I'm the only one who thinks watching Fear Factor during dinner is not appropriate.

We Will Never Forget

The Girl I Love

I built Miss Jango a little perch in the bedroom window. Here, she sits and watches landscapers work at the house down the street.

I left the back door open and Jango ventured out into the back yard. She's still a little frightened, but she's mainly trying stay out of the grass. It's all wet from rain the night before.

The Boys Take The Field with the Diamondbacks

Last night, the boys got to participate in the "Take The Field With Players" promotion at the Diamondbacks game. Eight children were selected to take part. Originally, Kyle was the one chosen from our family, but when someone didn't show up, Lucas was asked if he would like to step in!

Both boys got to run out onto the field with a Diamondbacks player: Kyle was paired with Short-Stop, Steven Drew and Lucas was with 2nd Baseman, Orlando Hudson. They got to run out onto the field, visit with their assigned player, and stand with them during the National Anthem. Each of the kids got a baseball autographed by their player. They also got their names on the scoreboard, pictures on the Jumbotron, and FREE t-shirts!!!!!

The pictures below tell the story better than I ever could. Last names were displayed at the game, but I chose to edit the photos for Internet safety purposes. Click on the photos to see them larger.

Thursday 13

1. I don’t particularly like wearing dresses. I prefer pants and jeans. I own very few skirts, and I wear them only when I have to.

2. In my opinion, the best looking men are the ones who drive minivans and 4-door family cars.

3. I have gotten on a recycling kick as of late. Every few days, I fill the trunk full of shipping boxes, milk jugs, water bottles, and junk mail and take them down to a recycling bin at the park. Then, I drop Styrofoam peanuts off at the UPS Store. They're always so thrilled to have them.

4. I tend to edit, un-edit, and re-edit my blog entries many times before I’m truly happy with them.

5. That Geico commercial with Charo annoys me to the point where I will change the channel and risk missing part of the show I'm watching.

6. I just reached 1,000 songs on my iPod.

7. I inherited my Dad's sense of direction and navigation skills. Give me a Phoenix address and I can drive straight there. I might need to take a quick glance at Yahoo maps, but I always know where I'm going. Once, my Grandpa told me that my written directions to our new house were among the best he'd ever gotten.

8. I come up with my best Thursday 13 items at times when I'm least able to write them down: at school, in the shower, in the car, at the grocery store... Once I sit down at my computer, writer's block sets in.

9. I do not know how to buy liquor. Q once asked me to buy vodka for chocolate martinis, and I drew a blank. I don't know cheap vodka from a premium label, or even flavored from unflavored. It all tastes the same to me. I ended up buying a bottle of Seagrams vanilla. I won't know the difference, and I don't think Q will either.

10. Speaking of liquor, I cannot stand the taste of wine or beer (I'm starting to think I'm adopted for this very reason). They both make me sick. I prefer the hard stuff--in the form of pina coladas, margaritas, daiquiris, mudslides, and flavored martinis, garnished with a pineapple wedge and an umbrella.

11. My debit card has become my best friend. Between that and online bill paying, I rarely write checks anymore. The only checks I write anymore are for Luke's drum lessons, the school book orders, and for the boys' lunch money.

12. Jango has gotten very attached to me. If I'm gone all day, she waits at the laundry room door and screams at me the minute I come home. She then follows me around, screaming while I take off my shoes, check messages, put things away, etc.

13. I tried hard to like this new show Fashion House. But with the bad acting, cheesy music, bad acting, wannabe pretty people, bad acting, cosmetic surgery, stock footage of expensive mansions, and bad acting, it reminds me of those *ahem* "cheaply produced" shows on Cinemax. It's just lacking the only things some of us watch Cinemax for!

The Doctor is IN

If there's one thing Q enjoys, doctoring recipes. Since we have a lime tree in our back yard, he adds lime juice and/or lime zest to just about everything we eat.

Tonight's creation is the best to date--a concoction we named the Neopolitan Martini. Just mix vanilla vodka with Creme de Cacao and garnish with a strawberry.

Mmmmm....it's better than the ice cream. And that's a statement I don't make often.

The A List

ABBA... alone time at home... Ace Frehley... Al Beadle architecture... April in Arizona... Asian food... alternatives... Air Supply... avocados... antique shopping... A&E’s Biography... air conditioning... afternoons at the mall... aloha shirts... Anthropologie... art and craft shows... Ajo Al’s Mexican Restaurant... almanacs... Amazon.com... authentic designer handbags ...auctions... animation... acid jazz

Ms. Val's Bargain of the Week

I was a bad girl this week. On Wednesday, Q asked me to go to Radio Shack to buy some batteries for his garage door opener and keyless entry remote. Afterwards, I wandered into Signatures--one of my favorite, yet seldom visited stores. This shop sell gifts, cards, home accessories, and lots of Brighton goodies. And sometimes, they even have Brighton things on sale!



That was the case this week. I stopped in Signatures "just to look". I didn't plan on buying anything until I saw this little pink handbag. Hey, this is the sort of thing that happens when I run Q's errands for him! :-)

The purse fit all my criteria: it was an authentic designer bag, it was PINK, and it was on sale! I bought this $150 bag for $50.

Runner up: I paid $2.59 per gallon for gas.

Arizona Barbie Dolls

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie dolls For the Arizona market:

Scottsdale Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Scottsdale Fashion Square. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign lapdog named Honey, and a semi-custom dream house with a Saguaro cactus in front. Available with or without tummy tuck and facelift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with squeeze-me Skipper and a Ferrari.

Chandler Barbie: This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Can swear in English or Spanish.

Apache Junction Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a 78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Ahwatukee Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. Ahwatukee Barbie hasn't been affordable since the early 80's.

Mesa Barbie: Pale Blonde shoulder length hair and blue eyes with android-expression, complete with bible in one hand and a crucifix in the other. This Barbie sports a special limited edition "What Would Jesus Do?" sweatshirt and drives an American car with an "Abortion Stops a Beating Heart" sticker. Sedan also available with "Focus on the Family" bumper sticker.

Goodyear Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR at EMCC. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Ross.

Van Buren Barbie/Ken: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts.

El Mirage Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Goodyear Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip-gloss, and a see-through halter-top. Comes with Barbie's dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.

Anthem Barbie: moved into the most family friendly community in Arizona, but none of the Barbies stay home with their kids. All Barbies are blonde and look way older than they really are. The Starbucks cup is permanently glued to her hand. She constantly complains of scorpions and the I-17 traffic. Ken drives an Explorer and comes with a golf club set. Skipper comes with her own anti-depression pills and laptop to keep up on MySpace since there is nothing to do here.

Sedona Barbie: This collagen injected, rhinoplastic (nose job) Barbie wears leopard print spandex, and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the lodge. She's into crystals. Comes with Percocet prescription and two alimony checks. Also cheap.

Phoenix Barbie: This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Flagstaff Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Flagstaff Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

Gilbert Barbie: Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion and is perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or in Japan on business. Gilbert Barbie aspires to become Scottsdale Barbie. Not cheap, but still very naive.

Tucson Barbie: Into basketball and marijuana. Dropped out of PCC. Does nothing but complain about Phoenix Barbie.

Sun City Barbie/Ken: These dolls are going fast! Well, what we mean is they're old and don't have much time left. Both write checks for everything or pay in change, and can provide hours of endless repetitive conversation about "The good ol' days." Drives a golf cart, signals right to turn left. Can be seen in Barbie Grocery Store (sold separately) arguing over prices. Available at the doctor's office.

Glendale/Arrowhead Barbie: Owns mini van or SUV bearing vanity plates and the CCV and multiple "my kid is (pick any NUMBER of wonderful adjectives)" stickers. Lives in Tuscan or Santa Fe style-home with 2.5 children, one dog, one cat (optional). Ken works as a police officer/firefighter/realtor/construction supervisor. Arrowhead Barbie is fit and fashionable but frugal (she does, after all, help to pay the mortgage), she works outside the home AND in the home, hosts small groups and monthly gatherings of friends and family, does not know how to form the word "no" on her lips and comes with bruise permanently tattooed on forehead from banging head against the wall in frustration because her plate is far too full!

Tempe Barbie: Loves booze, Einstien's bagels, and shorts with stuff written across the ass. Is experiencing way too much life to have a Ken doll, a clean apartment, or job that starts before noon. Is probably late for class right now, cuz she can't remember where she parked her white 2001 Civic Coupe. Comes in two models: light blonde and dark blonde. Thinks she saw P.Diddy at Fat Tuesday's.

Bullhead City Barbie: Could very easily have been Kingman Barbie, but all of a sudden a few nice housing developments and new restaurants that aren't in Havasu makes Bullhead City Barbie think she's hot stuff. Works across the river in Laughlin as a cocktail waitress, pretending getting pinched in the ass 500 times a day makes for a good job. Still lives in a doublewide that costs $500,000 due to housing inflation, but plans on moving to Laughlin Ranch someday, once that meth-lab pays off. Ken now works for the city of Bullhead, but used to work for the city in Lake Havasu.

Kingman Barbie: Looks like she might have been attractive, but something tragic happened in the final stages of manufacturing at the Mattel plant. Lives with Ken the Cable Guy (Git 'R Done!) who is missing many of his teeth. She works at one of the convenience stores, smoke four packs a day and wonders why her teeth are yellow. Complains about Havasu Barbie thinking she's such hot stuff, but secretly wants to be her. Comes with a brown 1982 Chevy pickup truck. Ken the Cable Guy comes with an old aluminum bass tracker and a white '78 Camaro that hasn't run in 10 years, but Ken plans on fixing it up.

Lake Havasu City Barbie: Was LA Barbie, but decided to sell her Malibu mansion and move to Lake Havasu where she and big-ass truck towing big-ass boat-driving Ken frequently vacationed. She's starting to show her middle age, all except her boobs, which are only 10 years old. She has two kids, but who knows where they are? Besides, she and Ken have their own lives to live, going to Red Room and out on the lake. Comes with big truck, big boat, 350Z and a stack of letters from collections agents.

Great News!

Yesterday, I got a call from someone at the Arizona Diamondbacks organization. It seems Kyle has been selected to participate in Take The Field With The Players before next Thursday's game. In this program, Kyle and eight other kids will each get to accompany a D-Backs player onto the field and stand with them during the National Anthem. We also get tickets to the game, coupons for Blimpie subs, and Kyle will get an autographed ball.

Apparently, Q signed the boys up for this during a trip Blimpie's a few months ago. I had forgotten all about this until yesterday when I got the phone call. But we are all really looking forward to our son's first five minutes of fame. I took Kyle out for a haircut and Q and I are contemplating buying a video camera this weekend.

This is going to be FUN! I'm looking forward to an evening out on someone else's dime. Of course, I'll post photos next week!