Cell Out

Yesterday, Kyle got his first cell phone. I had been reluctant to take this step, but my resistance was futile. In a few weeks, Kyle is flying to Portland, Oregon to visit relatives in that area.

And he's flying alone. Someone, please toss me a Xanax.......NOW!

Anyway, I vehemently refused to allow him to take this trip without a cell phone on his person. And Q agreed. At first, he was going to let Kyle borrow his phone. He's logged like seven airtime minutes in the last few weeks. He wouldn't have missed it.

But then my mom informed me that she was planning on buying Kyle a phone for his birthday (he turns 14 in August). When I told her about his upcoming trip, she offered to give him his present early.

Kyle and I went to the Verizon website to view their phone offerings. He had a Motorola phone picked out. But once we got to the store, he found a better one--a Samsung Alias that includes a QWERTY keyboard. Let the texting begin.

And that's exactly what happened. Since yesterday, Kyle's phone usage has consisted of 12 talk minutes (half of which was us testing the phone) and 56 text messages. In fact, he sent me a text then called less than a minute later to see if I got it! Those messages would have cost 20 cents each, but my mom added an unlimited in-network texting add-on to her bundled plan (most of our friends and family have Verizon phones, too).

At $10 per month, that package paid for itself last night.

I'm now convinced that Kyle's new phone is a good thing. He has independence and freedom. And I don't have to call every house in the neighborhood trying to locate my son when he isn't home by dark.

The new phone is also teaching him about budgeting. While Kyle can make any calls he needs, I implored him not to run up Grandma's bill with overage charges. And he seems to be listening. When he called me to check in, Kyle was anxious to get off the phone because he didn't want to use up his minutes.

I just hope the cell phone doesn't become Kyle's primary means of communication. For one thing, I won't be sending him text messages to let him know that dinner's ready. And I will not allow him to turn into one of those insipid teenage washouts who blindly run a cell bill up so high that their mom had to take a night job. If that happens, Kyle will be the one waving at passing cars in a taco costume.

Family Jargon, Part 3

Special Recipe: The way Lucas makes microwave popcorn. He basically adds more melted butter and salt.

Mom's Special Recipe: Same as Lucas', but I add a dusting of garlic powder.

Fiesta Trained: This is how I describe Lucas. At age 10, that boy knows vintage Cobalt from Post-86 Sapphire (the two colors are very close). And when I take him to the antique mall, he can spot Ironstone Fiesta at 30 paces.

Dead Smoothie: A really foul odor. So named after the time I left an empty smoothie cup in the car. The combination of hot stagnant air and rotting mango residue made the whole interior smell bad. I didn't notice it--my sense of smell is rather scant. But Q and Lucas sure did when they used the car to run an errand. When they came home, Q implored me to throw my empty Jamba Juice cups away after I'm finished with them. Lucas cited that my car smells like "a dead smoothie".

Toy Cry: The really loud, low-pitched howling meow Jango makes when she has a toy in her mouth. She sounds like she's in excrutiating pain, but she just has a plastic milk jug seal clenched between her teeth.

The Overheater: It's what we call my last car, a Ford Explorer (please don't lynch me, Christopher...it was very handy when the boys were babies). Kyle started calling it The Overheater because it was doing just that. We sold the car shortly thereafter, but the name stuck. Now, that's what we call any mid-90s model Explorer we see on the road. My overheating incident occurred at:

The Death Corner: The intersection of 67th Avenue and Bell Road in north Glendale. So named because it is at this corner where I've had a disportionate amount of car trouble. Dead batteries...overheating (see above)... There may have been a flat tire or two. I was once at a store at there when the car just wouldn't start.

Impulse Chocolate: Example: You're standing in the checkout line at Linens 'n' Things armed with some washcloths and a soapdish. You also have a coupon for $5 off any purchase of $15 or more. The total comes to $14.38. You need just one more cheap item to be coupon eligible. You impulsively grab the nearest under $1 item and add it to your order, bringing the pre-coupon total to $15.22. Impulse Chocolate is so named because the hastily chosen item is usually chocolate, but it can be anything from a BIC lighter to a magnet ribbon.

The Bank of Lucas: This child hardly ever spends his money (he must get that from his dad). Except for the occasional candy purchase, most of his Christmas gift cards and birthday money have gone unspent. As a result, Lucas tends to step forward when Kyle needs a few extra dollars to afford that new video game. I once went to the B of L to break a twenty-dollar bill.

Wet Bed Head: This is a more disheveled version of regular bed head. WBH is the hairstyle that results when you take a shower then go to bed without first drying your hair.

Family Jargon, Part 1
Family Jargon, Part 2

Wii Got It, Part 2

Ever since Kyle got his Wii console last year, he's been adding to his video game collection with great regularity. He saves his allowance with a degree of discipline not typically seen in 13 year-old boys. Even so, he sometimes has to get a sales tax loan from the Bank of Lucas. But once Release Day rolls around, Kyle usually has enough money to buy his own copy of Super Mario Whatever. He then asks me or Q to drive him to Blockbuster to right when the store opens.

Kyle’s favorite games usually include the Mario character, but not always. And for the most part, stock is quite plentiful. But that wasn’t the case for Kyle’s latest gaming conquest: Wii Fit.

Wii Fit is an interactive athletic game on the same vein as Wii Sports and Wii Play. The game retails for $90 (it includes the game disk and a Balance Board that looks like those plastic boxes from an early-90s step aerobics class). That’s considerably more than the usual $20-$50 price for Wii games. As such, I agreed to pay for half if Kyle made the Honor Roll. And he did.
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Wii Fit was released on May 21. On Thursday, I visited two Target stores in search of the game. No dice. Apparently this thing was going to be as hard to find as the original console was.
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On Friday morning, I did a few online inventory searches. I looked for Wii Fit at Amazon, Best Buy and GameStop, but I found it locally at Wal-Mart. Bad enough, but it wasn't at just any Wal-Mart. It was at Ghetto Wal-Mart! AND we had to drive there (30 mile round trip...just over a gallon of $3.75 gas).

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Oh, the things I do for my kids…
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But it was all worth it. Kyle thanked me over and over during the ride home. His show of sincere gratitude truly made me cry. Later, he continued to display his appreciation by cleaning junk mail and empty water bottles out the car.

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And then I showed Kyle this news article. I don't think the title of "Best Mom Ever" is out of line.

How Rude!

Yesterday, the boys' school had their end-of-the-year awards assemblies. There were two ceremonies: one for the elementary grades, and one for junior high. And since both boys were receiving awards, we attended both.

At the start of the 3rd-6th grade ceremony, it was standing room only. By the time it ended, only a few dozen people remained. The 7th-8th grade ceremony ended with less than that. Apparently, parents saw no problem with exhibiting poor etiquette and leaving immediately after their kids received their awards.

I realize some families may have had prestanding commitments. The principal even deviated from the written program and gave awards to a group of kids who needed to get to soccer practice. And then there was the family with a cranky toddler. But I truly find it hard to believe that so many people had other legitimate plans. Most likely, they just wanted to get home in time to watch TMZ.

I feel bad for the kids who got their awards last. In this case, it was the band students. They got far less applause than the honor roll students, who were announced at the beginning.

I know that it's difficult to sit on hard laminate cafeteria benches for long periods. My butt was numb after an hour. And I realize that these ceremonies can get drawn out and boring at times...especially if your kid isn't the one getting his name called. But if the adults can't show good manners, how can we expect an entire generation of children to do the same?

BTW, both Kyle and Lucas got awards for Honor Roll, and Lucas got the fourth grade citizenship award for Band. He let me hang his medal from my rear view mirror.

Family Jargon, Part 2

The Honda Fund: The giant AA battery gift tin and the loose change we store in it. I fill it with coins that I pull out of car ashtrays, sofa cushions, and the clothes dryer. Even so, the battery tin is only about one-inch full. It is my wish to be like that guy who used loose change to buy a pickup truck. Except I plan on stopping at the CoinStar first.

Camp Shower: The type of shower Q or I get when one of the boys decides to shower in their bathroom at the same time. So named because the water pressure is reminiscent of the semi-private showers one might find at a campground.

Utah Signs: Freeway signs so named because they are shaped like the state of Utah. (courtesy of Lucas)

Mars Cam: As seen on the local morning news. Footage taken from ADOT freeway cameras at sunrise. So named because on some mornings, the rising sun casts a glow that makes everything look red. (Courtesy of Lucas)

Piss Cam: See Mars Cam; replace red with yellow.

Road Sign Guy: The circle-headed, silhouette guy whose picture is mostly seen on school crosswalk signs. Road Sign Guy has branched out and is now found on graphic novelty t-shirts, water heater warning labels, and some IKEA furniture assembly manuals. He's very popular in our house.

Kyle Style: The inconsistent way in which Kyle unloads the dishwasher. The measuring cup that he put in the upper cabinet one day might get thrown in with the Tupperware the next. We once thought our cheese grater was gone forever until I found it lying inside the crock pot.

Double-Ended Laugh: A laugh so hearty and abrupt that it causes you to fart at the same time. Everyone does it. Admit it! (Courtesy of Quinton)

Throw-Up Pac-Man: Player 2 in Namco Museum's Pac-Man game. So named because he's green and looks like he's about to puke. (Courtesy of Kyle)

Flying TWA: TWA = Teenager With Attitude. Whenever Kyle has one of his bruting moments, is told no, or is otherwise pissed about something, we say he's "flying TWA".

Permanently Borrowed: The borrowing of an item that the lender doesn't immediately need returned. The item lives in the borrower’s garage, but the lender can call and ask for it back when and if he/she needs it. From my mom, I am PB-ing a compound miter saw and a matte cutter. And my sister and brother-in-law have "loaned" us a weight bench, a tile saw, and the cane that Q used while he was recovering from surgery.

Arizona Bathtub: The swimming pool. During the boys' summer vacation, I don't necessarily enforce daily showers as long as they've been out swimming that day. Use water wisely, People.

Arizona Hand Towel: Ratty old towel left outside for wiping hands while doing yard work. Use of the Arizona Hand Towel is usually preceded by dipping hands in the Arizona Bathtub.

The Stick of Power: The TV remote. (Courtesy of Quinton)

Family Jargon, Part 1

Report Cards

Today was report card day for the boys. They both made Honor Roll--all A's and B's. Yes, I like eating fruit from the bragging tree. :-)~

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Kyle got A's in Language Arts, Social Studies, Science (!), and a subject called Technology. He got B's in Math and PE. He's always had trouble with math so this B is major. As for PE, I don't put much stock in it...at least not in the program at this school.

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Lucas got A's in everything except Reading. He got a B there. And that's not too bad, considering that he's in the accelerated reading group (SAGE). This program is held separately from his regular class. In addition, he has to miss SAGE every Friday so he can participate in Band.

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I just hope they can keep it up for the final quarter. It's a little hard since it's 80 degrees outside, and spring fever has firmly entrenched itself in our house.

Pranksters: Kyle's Joke

The boys usually get home from school around 3:45. Around 3:40, the phone rang. It was Kyle, and he told me that he was in detention.

"Oh, really! What did you do?" I asked.
"I got in a fight," Kyle answered. (I knew it wasn't true...I'll explain why in a minute. At this point, I'm just playing along.)
"Why? And who were you fighting with?"
"'Frankie'...it happened on the playground at lunch."
"Why didn't the school call me?"
"I don't know."
"So, do you need me to pick you up?"

One Mississippi...two Mississippi...

"Kyle....?"
"What?"

Three Mississippi...four Mississippi...

"I know you're not in detention."
"Yes I am, Mom! I got in a fight with Frankie and got in trouble and..."
"You're at Kolton's house?"
"No, I'm not. I had to stay after school in detention!"
"Then how come Kolton's phone number showed up on the caller-ID?"

Laughter rang out in the background.

Aside from the caller-ID display, Kyle's fight story was full of holes. For starters, had there really been a fight, I would have been called by the principal, and asked to come down to the school. Second, Kyle wouldn't be able to make phone calls from detention. And third, he had me on speaker phone so Kolton could hear the conversation. Lastly, Kyle doesn't get in trouble in school.

Nope...not MY kid!!!! :-)~