Monday, April 07, 2008

Family Jargon, Part 2

The Honda Fund: The giant AA battery gift tin and the loose change we store in it. I fill it with coins that I pull out of car ashtrays, sofa cushions, and the clothes dryer. Even so, the battery tin is only about one-inch full. It is my wish to be like that guy who used loose change to buy a pickup truck. Except I plan on stopping at the CoinStar first.

Camp Shower: The type of shower Q or I get when one of the boys decides to shower in their bathroom at the same time. So named because the water pressure is reminiscent of the semi-private showers one might find at a campground.

Utah Signs: Freeway signs so named because they are shaped like the state of Utah. (courtesy of Lucas)

Mars Cam: As seen on the local morning news. Footage taken from ADOT freeway cameras at sunrise. So named because on some mornings, the rising sun casts a glow that makes everything look red. (Courtesy of Lucas)

Piss Cam: See Mars Cam; replace red with yellow.

Road Sign Guy: The circle-headed, silhouette guy whose picture is mostly seen on school crosswalk signs. Road Sign Guy has branched out and is now found on graphic novelty t-shirts, water heater warning labels, and some IKEA furniture assembly manuals. He's very popular in our house.

Kyle Style: The inconsistent way in which Kyle unloads the dishwasher. The measuring cup that he put in the upper cabinet one day might get thrown in with the Tupperware the next. We once thought our cheese grater was gone forever until I found it lying inside the crock pot.

Double-Ended Laugh: A laugh so hearty and abrupt that it causes you to fart at the same time. Everyone does it. Admit it! (Courtesy of Quinton)

Throw-Up Pac-Man: Player 2 in Namco Museum's Pac-Man game. So named because he's green and looks like he's about to puke. (Courtesy of Kyle)

Flying TWA: TWA = Teenager With Attitude. Whenever Kyle has one of his bruting moments, is told no, or is otherwise pissed about something, we say he's "flying TWA".

Permanently Borrowed: The borrowing of an item that the lender doesn't immediately need returned. The item lives in the borrower’s garage, but the lender can call and ask for it back when and if he/she needs it. From my mom, I am PB-ing a compound miter saw and a matte cutter. And my sister and brother-in-law have "loaned" us a weight bench, a tile saw, and the cane that Q used while he was recovering from surgery.

Arizona Bathtub: The swimming pool. During the boys' summer vacation, I don't necessarily enforce daily showers as long as they've been out swimming that day. Use water wisely, People.

Arizona Hand Towel: Ratty old towel left outside for wiping hands while doing yard work. Use of the Arizona Hand Towel is usually preceded by dipping hands in the Arizona Bathtub.

The Stick of Power: The TV remote. (Courtesy of Quinton)