Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Family Jargon

Every social group, culture, and sub-culture has their own brand of slang that is known only to them. Below is a list of buzzwords and their meanings that we often use around here.

"Dog Food in a Barrel!": This is my "safe" cuss word. I use this in times of frustration when an F or S bomb is considered inappropriate. Translation: I use it often.

Valimony: Ms. Val's mad money. Valimony is mostly used to fund my little frivolities like new clothes, dishes, and my smoothie addiction.

"The Rule": Around here, it is a big no-no for one person to use two of the same color Fiesta dishes at a meal. Example: if someone is caught eating off a tangerine plate and drinking from a tangerine mug, he will be taken outside and dealt with accordingly.

Siamese Daylight Time: The time standard by which Jango thinks we should all be living. Someone needs to be awake by the time she deems appropriate. Sometimes Usually daylight isn't even necessary. SDT is controlled by the....

Siamese Alarm Clock: See above.

Q's Pets: Q's pets are a cache of old, worthless, outdated computer components that Q has acquired over time. He just can't stand to get rid of this stuff. Whenever his office attempts to discard a box of parts, Q gathers it up, brings it home, and adopts it like an unwanted litter of puppies. The pets include boxy monitors, cases, motherboards, dirty yellowed keyboards, and cables of every size and shape. The pets have taken up semi-permanent residence in our guest room. But once in a great while, one of the pets will be pulled from the herd and put into use.

Pig Tour: One of our favorite family rituals (Kyle goes nuts when I announce it) involves putting every ice cream flavor and topping we have on the dining room table and making ginormous ice cream sundaes that just about make us sick. A complete explanation with photos can be seen here.

Good Girl/Bad Girl: This is how I inform Q of how much money I spent on a shopping trip. If I tell him "I was a good girl at Target today", that means I only bought the necessities, spent very little money, or no money at all. If I tell him "I was a bad girl at the mall", that means I need him to help me unload the car.

Middle Age Sex Music: This is what Lucas calls the sappy 70s-era soft rock that I like to listen to. Examples include music by Captain and Tennille, Dr. Hook, Jefferson Starship, Roberta Flack, and Carly Simon. I like to refer to this music as...

Prozac Radio: See above.

Adam Carolla Moment: Lucas came up with this one. An Adam Carolla Moment occurs when I go off and start ranting about the injustices of life...just like AC himself often does on his radio show. One of my ongoing gripes pertains to a news story that comes up quite frequently in the Phoenix area: babies and young children who are bruised, shaken, beaten, maimed, injured, or murdered at the hands of their mother's boyfriend. Not husband. Not even fiancee. BOYFRIEND!!!! The guy's name probably isn't even on the lease, and.... Sorry. Back on topic: whenever I have one of these my little fits, Luke points out: "Uh-oh...Mom's having another Adam Carolla moment." Unfortunately AC is no longer on the radio in Phoenix.

Daddy Pizza: The thin-crust pizza perfected by the man himself. Toppings include Italian sausage, yellow peppers, carmelized onions, black olives, and mushrooms. Q also makes a pepperoni version for the boys. He varies the crust recipe every time. Sometimes he adds more olive oil, sometimes less. Sometimes he includes chopped black olives. But the one mainstay is a dusting of corn meal on the bottom of every pie.

Fun Box: The boys came up with this contradictory term. We use it in reference to the cardboard kitty carrier we put Jango in when we have to take her in the car.

The Princess Perch: This is how we refer to Jango's window ledge/bed. The Princess Perch is located in our bedroom window, facing a very large tree. Jango likes to sit there and alternate between napping and watching birds.


Christopher said...

I bought and installed a window perch for our kitties so they can participate in one of the favorite activities at our household, Cat TV. I don't know why we pay for cable when the boys are totally entertained by our freaky neighbors for free.