Fun With MS Paint (Lucas)

Aside from his interest in learning the Ukranian alphabet, experimenting with my hair products, and music, Lucas has been discovering the fun of Microsoft Paint.

Instruments

Eddie Van Halen (Luke did this one special for me.)
Drumset
Guitars

On My Soapbox

I am addicted to HGTV. I can watch home and remodeling shows all day. I have even adapted some of these decorating tips into my own home. And when my mother-in-law visits, she and I bond over this stuff.

But my favorite home shows are the ones that pertain to real estate and home buying. They’re unrealistic. They’re so badly acted its funny. They’re funnier, in fact, than anything on network TV.

My Farced Place
I’m finding it increasingly difficult to watch My First Place on HGTV. Too many of these “first places” are outfitted with refinished hardwoods, original leaded glass accent windows, and fireplaces with complete mantles and dentil molding. Oh, and the homeowners are these lovesick undergrads who found the dough to fashionably escape the Animal House lifestyle.

Once—just once—I’d like to the decorators revamp a home with pee-stained shag carpeting, faux wood laminate countertops, mirror tiles with gold veining Liquid Nailed to the bedroom ceiling, and velvet wallpaper. The owner: a single mom who works three jobs to buy food, gas, clothing, and health insurance for her family.

I'm Flipping Out
Shows like Flip This House, Flip That House (yes, they are two different shows), and Property Ladder are train wrecks that you just can’t not watch. My favorite episodes are the ones where a quick-cash hungry Barbie girl takes on a $400K mortgage for a dilapidated 2 bedroom cottage.

The place reeks of urine. The walls are covered with char marks where a meth lab exploded. And there’s an oil drum in the living room that squatters had used for heat. But her hopes are high! Armed with a 2-week deadline and a $50,000 budget, Barbie is going to turn this place into Xanadu and sell it for $899,990.

But first thing’s first. Barbie hops in her H3, and heads to the home improvement warehouse. There, she picks up 24 inch travertine tile, cherry hardwood flooring, and orders a whirlpool bathtub just like one she saw on MTV Cribs.

8 weeks and $120,000 later, the newly-laid travertine flooring is ripped out to repair a foundation leak. The house is covered in a termite tent. And the $5,000 bathtub is sitting on the back porch, half full of muddy rainwater. Foreclosure is looming large and the thrice delayed open house is TOMORROW!!!!!

House Already Hunted
The early seasons of HGTV’s House Hunters were all too predictable. The buyers always got the third house they saw (or second if they were outbid on the third). Yawn. The format has since been tweaked a bit. The buyers are still shown three houses, but the viewers are kept guessing as to which house will ultimately be chosen.

Ah, but it’s still predictable. In fact, House Hunters is faker than a Gucci bag in Santee Alley. If you watch closely, the buyers almost always pick the house that was shown unfurnished during their “tour”. And that’s because they already picked it! They have probably already closed escrow by the time the tour is badly reenacted for the cameras. I’ll bet there’s even a loaded Bekins van around the corner waiting for the camera crew to clear out.

At least they stopped doing the fake phone call where a lady squeals to her husband: “Honey, we got the house!” Now, if they would just give us viewers the asking prices on these houses. Yep, I’m nosey that way. That and I like to see how people trying to sell a house don’t attempt to decorate or even clear off the kitchen counters.

Ms. Val's Bargain of the Week

I have a love-hate relationship with going-out-of-business sales. I love getting to buy stuff at rock-bottom, sometimes below-cost prices. But I hate diminished selection, the lack of morale among soon-to-be unemployed salespeople, and the fact that I will never get to shop at that store again. This is the case with the Betty Crocker catalog.

I’m going to miss BC. Not only did they have the best selection of Fiesta dishes, but if you mailed in enough Betty Crocker points, you could get free shipping—a bargain hunter’s dream.

Wednesday’s mail brought what will probably be my final shipment from Betty Crocker. Yes, I was a bad girl. I bought LOTS of marked-down Fiesta goodies that I previously had only a lukewarm desire for. But I hold true to a saying my dad taught me: A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item she doesn’t need.



This week’s bargain arrived in that shipment: a pair of cinnabar Fiesta juice pitchers. Retail price on these is $50. Betty Crocker’s liquidation price was $9.99—a little more than 80% off.

Hot in the City

Yesterday in Phoenix, the daytime high reached 118. According to the TV weatherpeople, it hasn't been this hot since June-something 1995. So in honor of this momentous non-event, I present this e-mail list that has been circulating for as long as there's been e-mail. I even added a few of my own at the bottom.

It's so hot in Arizona that...

--The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
--The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
--Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
--The cows are giving evaporated milk.
--The trees are whistling for the dogs.
--You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
--You can say 113 degrees without fainting.
--You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
--You know that you can make sun tea outside faster than instant tea in your microwave.
--You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
--The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
--You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
--You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
--You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
--The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
--You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
--You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
--You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
--Hot water now comes out of both taps.
--Its noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
--You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
--You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
--No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
--Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
--You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
--You discover that a baby sock makes a great cover for the stick shift.
--You fix your family smoothies for dinner.
--You wait until after dinner to mow the lawn.
--The swimming pool is no longer “refreshingly cool”.
--Forgetting to use the windshield sun shade is grounds for a sanity hearing.
--The back seat of your car is littered with empty water bottles.

The Poor-Man's Remodel, Part 2

Because I wasn't willing to leave well-enough alone, I removed the door from the cabinet to the right of the microwave. I then moved my colorful glasses and mugs there. That cabinet had previously held a hodge-podge of crap and wine glasses I never use. Those got moved to the cabinet where the regular glasses used to live.

I would love nothing more than to remove the doors from above the microwave, but they hide a large glavanized aluminum vent pipe.

The House List

1. The exterior has as much character one can get from a Phoenix area tract house. I think it looks somewhat like a San Francisco row house

2. It has an honest-to-goodness front entry hall. Here, we have space for a bench and console table with mirror. We could even add a coat rack…if we lived in a climate where coats were even worn!

3. The bedrooms are completely separate from the living areas. When one of us can’t sleep, that person can go downstairs, turn on all the lights, start the dishwasher, fix a batch of microwave popcorn, and watch reruns of Celebrity Deathmatch…all without disturbing the upstairs occupants.

4. The house faces north. That means the master bedroom is the coolest room in the house…in more ways than one.

5. There are no other two-story houses around us. The neighbors can’t see into our yard, but—if we were that type of people—we could see into theirs.

6. Separate tub and shower and double vanities in the master bathroom. If necessary, Q and I can get ready without waiting for the other to finish up.

7. We have great views of the mountains two blocks north.

8. Our formal dining room is anything but. We eat all our meals in this room, mostly because the table is bigger than the one in the kitchen. On the flip side, we can easily gussy up the dining room for holiday dinners and other formal occasions.

9. The space under the stairway serves double duty as a closet for jackets, shoes, and baby items I don’t want to part with, and a hiding place for Jango.

10. Our next door neighbors have a huge tree that hangs over our fence. As a result, our pool is mostly shaded over by 1:00. Messy, yes, but the tree only sheds two months out of the year.

11. Unlike most of the houses on our side of the street, there are no utility boxes or street lights in our front yard.

12. The game room. This upstairs loft-style space can—and does—serve any number of functions. It started out as a toy room for the kids and the last stop for cast-off furniture before going to the sidewalk with a handwritten “FREE” sign. Currently, the loft is used as a hangout for the boys to watch TV and play Nintendo. The walls are lined with wood storage cabinets and we managed to jam some exercise equipment in there as well. Someday, Quinton hopes to put a pool table there.

Ok, I have officially lost it....

Every piece of Post-86 Fiesta I own is out on that table. A lot of it needed to be dusted, but mostly I wanted to rearrange the cabinets. The pastels went into the kitchen and the brights went in the dining room cabinet. I'll rotate the vases, platters, and other display pieces later.

The Jango List

It’s been over a month and a half since Jango joined our family. In that time, her personality has done a total about-face…and that’s a good thing. There was nothing wrong with her before. She’s always been a sweetie. But losing her former owner and coming to a new home made her a very fearful and depressed kitty for awhile.

1. Jango is LOUD! Definitely a typical Siamese. She meows. She howls. She screams. She even has this one long, drawn-out cry that sounds like Whitney Houston hitting a high note. Lucas: “Geez, take a breath, Cat!”

2. Jango prefers to play with garbage. When we first got her, I bought her a bunch of new kitty toys, but she turned her nose up at all of them. Instead, she prefers to play with wadded up gas receipts, Band-Aid wrappers, cotton balls, and the little plastic seals from the lids of milk jugs.

3. Jango Fetches…just like a dog! She lets me know when it’s playtime (usually around 5am) by bringing a cotton ball up to the bed for me to throw. And I do. And she brings it back. This goes on until the cotton ball gets kicked under the bed or tossed into the clothes hamper. Someday I’m going to get a video camera to film this.

4. Jango is afraid to go outside. Once she followed me out front to put out the trash. But once she got to the end of the footpath, she stopped and froze in fear.

5. Jango almost never sleeps on our bed. Apparently, there’s not enough room there for her liking.

6. Jango sits guard on the bedroom floor. If I get up in the middle of the night to get a drink or adjust the thermostat, she follows me through the house and talks endlessly. She thinks its playtime.

7. Jango’s favorite hangouts include Kyle’s beanbag chair, my closet, the cabinet under the playroom window, and on a stack of boxes in the stairway closet. We just have to be careful to leave the door open when she’s in there.

8. Jango’s favorite treats are seafood flavored Whiskas Temptations, Pounce, and Feline Greenies. She won’t touch canned cat food, and she requires fresh water at least twice a day. Quinton says I spoil her.

The decorating bug bites once again...

I decided that the kitchen needed just a little more color.

Before:


After:

I like to think of this as the poor-man's kitchen remodel.

The Purple Family goes to Payson!

Tank of gas: $27.87

Lunch at Cousin's Subs: $21.42

Admission to Tonto Natural Bridge State Park: $6

Post-hike snacks at Dairy Queen $11.04




One night at the Payson Days Inn: $78.19

Dinner at the Pizza Factory: $20.77

Gas and snacks for the drive home: $27.41

A vacation where NOBODY fights with ANYBODY about ANYTHING the whole entire time: Priceless

Commemorative Plates

Ego-ridden couples abound are always coming up new and not-so-creative ways to publicly announce how blissfully happy and so in love they are. Some couples get matching tattoos. Some wear identical sweat suits. Some even wear vials of each others blood around their necks.

And then there are those couples who are out to nauseate the all of cyberspace. They share a sicky-sweet e-mail address like RickyNLucy @ TrueLoveAlways.com. Everybody knows at least a few such people.

Well, Quinton and I came up with our own corny little love display for the entire world to see. Well, two, actually. And exposure will pretty much be limited to the greater Phoenix area, northern Arizona, and perhaps parts of southern California. We got coordinating license plates for our cars.



I choose to think of this as our belated Valentine’s Day gifts to each other since Q was under too much sedation to celebrate properly back in February.

Ms. Val's Bargain of the Week

Awhile back, I found this rainbow chiffon blouse on Anthropologie's website. I loved it immediately, but at $248, I figured I'd never have one. After all, I'm a bargain hunter first, fashionista second.

Then yesterday, on a trip to Scottsdale Fashion Square, I saw the shirt again. This time, it was crammed into a sale rack among an obvious overrun of ribbed knit tank tops. They had 4 of the shirts left: two in size 2 and two in...my size. But the best part was the price. Somewhere along the way, it had gone down from $248 to $179.95 to $89.95 to $39.95--almost 84%off. SOLD to the redhead lugging around Macy's bag full of Heather Fiesta!

Runner up: Target had a 75% off sale on a bunch of pool and patio accessories. I picked up a kickboard and a large, daisy-shaped pool float for $2.50 each.

Quinton Update: Because it's Long Overdue

It’s been more than a month since Quinton’s been out of the hospital, and he hasn’t been back since. He has gone in twice for a doctor’s appointment and drain removal, but both times, we were in and out in less than two hours. In the meantime, Q continues to make slow, steady improvements.

A few highlights:

Quinton returned to work after Memorial Day. He worked from home that first week. That afforded him the opportunity to lie down whenever he got tired. These rest times tended to coincide with the starts “The Price Is Right” and “Family Feud”. Ah, but he did check his e-mail during the commercials.

Last week, Q started going into the office. He did fine, but around lunchtime, he’d get tired and come home. Luckily, his co-workers are very understanding of the situation.

Q’s Cushing’s symptoms are starting to fade. He’d had some hair on his back, but that seems to be gone. The hair on his chest and belly is much sparser as well.

All of his dermatological issues (body acne, yellow spots on his trunk, blotchiness, and sores) are gone and/or healed.

His last trip to the eye doctor revealed that his glaucoma—which was quite severe last fall—has cleared up.

Q still gets tired easily. After working all day, he’s comes home and sacks out on the couch. Also, he’s starting to sleep through some nights without needing to take Ambien.

He no longer bruises easily. His blood pressure has gotten low enough to where his doctor had lowered the dosages on some of his meds.

His appetite is very much back to normal. In fact, he has to remind himself to stop eating when he’s no longer hungry. He lost a lot of weight in the hospital, and he doesn’t want to gain any of it back.

His testosterone level appears to be back to normal. You’re just going to have to trust me on that one.

Holy Carafe!

It took a long time. I was outbid on MANY eBay auctions. I dropped the ball on a few good priced "buy-it-nows". But, thanks to a "second-chance offer" on eBay, I finally have a Fiesta Sapphire Carafe of my very own.

I had been hinting to Quinton that I wanted a Sapphire Carafe. I would leave my Fiesta book open to a page with the carafe pictured. But even Q would admit that he doesn't know sapphire from cobalt from periwinkle. It's all blue to him, and he didn't want to disappoint me by getting me the wrong color carafe. So he suggested that I find a sapphire one and buy it for myself.

The carafe is my favorite Fiesta shape. I own two others in Cinnabar and Persimmon, but the Sapphire one is my favorite.

Here's the carafe on display in the dining room. It sits nestled among the chartreuse Millennium III vase, persimmon sauce boat, lilac disk pitcher, a Royalty Vase in Rose, and a vintage yellow sugar bowl from my good friend, Wendy. This picture is screaming for a piece of Juniper.

Happy Father's Day, Quinton

Quinton's enjoying his first full holiday at home. We spent the day out by the pool listening to Bob Marley and eating junk food. Here's Big Daddy in his natural habitat...


Yes, I really am that white. I don't even show up on film! When he saw this picture, Q referred to me as "Ghost Mom".



The boys are catching some air.



Jango prefers to stay in the comfort of the air conditioned house.

My Little Sugars

I bought these Amberstone and Casualstone sugar bowls on eBay awhile back. These are among Luke’s favorite pieces. He even gave them their own Fiesta color names. The Casualstone bowl has become Dandelion. And he refers to the Amberstone bowl as Moldy Coconut.

I don’t know where that boy gets this stuff. Granted, Dandelion is quite fitting. And I can understand Coconut, but…moldy? I asked him if even knows what a moldy coconut looks like. Because I sure don’t! He told me that was just the first thing that came to him the first time he saw Amberstone in one of my books.

I shudder to think of what he would have to say about Turf Green….

Desperate Housewives meets Melrose Place

Since the two shows are alike in so many ways....

A Birthday Shocker...

I would like to give birthday shout-out to Christopher, a very good friend of mine and fellow Fiesta collector. Christopher, you and I are now officially the very same age. Until yesterday, I was older than you--a fact I know you'll never let me live down. So Christopher, in your honor, I will write this blog entry in your favorite color.

Anyway, on his blog, Christopher posted that he has the same birthday as Michael J. Fox (also, Johnny Depp, Natalie Portman, and a bunch of other people I don't know). This got me to wondering. Which celebrities/sports figures/politicians/famous people share my birthday?

So I did a little Internet research. It didn't take much, trust me. According to www.brainyhistory.com, March 10 is the birthday as Sharon Stone, Chuck Norris, Edie Brickell, and Mitch Gaylord, and a few other semi-knowns. Ok, no big deal. Well, further searching revealed that I also share a birthday with Mark David Chapman, James Earl Ray, and Osama Bin Laden. Shocking? No, not really. For those of you who know me really well, this definately explains a few things...



Since I was having so much fun wasting time at www.famousbirthays.com, I decided to see who shares a birthday with Quinton. One the celebs born on October 13 is Paul Simon...who is married to Edie Brickell...who has the same birthday as...ME!!!! I guess Libras and Pisceans really do go together!!!!!

How Men & Women Shower Differently

I got this in an e-mail awhile back, and thought it was worth sharing. Also, since I haven't updated this blog in awhile, I felt that some filler was in order.

How to Shower Like a Woman...........

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wipe up any water that got on the floor.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How to Shower Like a Man............

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your behind.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

from Gene Simmons' Sex Money Kiss

I Give Up! Laziness is Contagious.

The boys have been out of school for a week. They are enjoying mornings of sleeping until 8:00. When they wake up, they sit in their jammies and watch cartoons until sometime after 10. At that time they usually saunter down the stairs--still in PJs--and make their own breakfasts. They have to. The cook--me--clocks out at 7:30.

Quinton, of course is still recovering from Cushing's syndrome and the surgeries associated with that. So, for the time being, I will go easy on him. For him, laziness is not his fault. Although the fact that it's baseball season isn't helping matters.

But laziness is contagious. Being the only person in this house who is willing and/or able to wash a dish has become a pain in the @$$! It's a thankless, neverending job...the fruits of which only I seem to care about. So I have decided: If I can't beat' em, I will join 'em. After all, why should the boys have all the fun? I want to sloth off and lay around like a big ol' slug too!!!!!!

This should be interesting. I'm anxious to see what happens when there's no clean surface to eat on.


Or when all the clean dishes--and counter space--completely run out...

Then, somebody will misplace his shoes somewhere in or around the living room. It's inevitable. I happens on a daily basis.

The laundry will also go undone this week. That's probably just as well because the aforementioned laziness prevented the younger half of us from changing clothes this week.

Anyway, I'm anxious to enjoy my weekend off. Of course, I'm sure it will be punctuated by the whiney fit I shall receive when there are no clean towels out by the pool. To this I will shrug my shoulders and respond: "Oh, well...."