Hot in the City

Yesterday in Phoenix, the daytime high reached 118. According to the TV weatherpeople, it hasn't been this hot since June-something 1995. So in honor of this momentous non-event, I present this e-mail list that has been circulating for as long as there's been e-mail. I even added a few of my own at the bottom.

It's so hot in Arizona that...

--The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
--The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
--Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
--The cows are giving evaporated milk.
--The trees are whistling for the dogs.
--You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
--You can say 113 degrees without fainting.
--You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
--You know that you can make sun tea outside faster than instant tea in your microwave.
--You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
--The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
--You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
--You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
--You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
--The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
--You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
--You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
--You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
--Hot water now comes out of both taps.
--Its noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
--You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
--You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
--No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
--Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
--You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
--You discover that a baby sock makes a great cover for the stick shift.
--You fix your family smoothies for dinner.
--You wait until after dinner to mow the lawn.
--The swimming pool is no longer “refreshingly cool”.
--Forgetting to use the windshield sun shade is grounds for a sanity hearing.
--The back seat of your car is littered with empty water bottles.