Friday, May 04, 2007

How To Use an ATM Machine




MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Roll down your car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6. Roll up window
7. Drive off.


FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3. Re-start stalled engine
4. Roll down the window
5. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card
6. Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror
7. Attempt to insert card into machine
8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from car
9. Insert card
10. Re-insert card the right way up
11. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
12. Enter PIN
13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
14. Enter amount of cash required
15. Re-check make-up in rear view mirror
16. Retrieve cash and receipt
17. Empty handbag again to locate purse and put cash inside
18. Place receipt in back of checkbook
19. Re-check make-up again
20. Drive forward ten feet
21. Reverse back to cash machine
22. Retrieve card
23. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and place card into the slot provided
24. Re-check make-up
25. Re-start stalled engine and move off
26. Drive for 3 - 4 miles
27. Release hand brake

4 comments:

Ces said...

Oh Val, I laughed so hard starting from no. 5 onwards. Thanks so much. How do you come up with these wild things? Very funny.

Mark G. said...

I love this! There is a third procedure -- my mom's. For some unknown reason she parks the car and walks to the drive up machine!

Ms. Val said...

Ces--
I was searching for something else, and came across this ATM joke. I notice that the best finds are the ones I'm not looking for. This applies to shopping, too.

It's so nice to see you around my corner of Blogworld. Now that school's over, I'll have some time to catch up on other people's blogs.

Mark--
Actually there are two more procedures...both of which are widely used around my house:

Female: Pay for groceries with debit card and get extra cash back.

Male: Take half the cash from wife's wallet.

Menchie said...

this was so funny! however, there are not a lot of drive by atms where i live. in fact, i've only seen two!

the picture in your post is a local bank where my hubby works! :D